Quick Tip – Fix Your Vocabulary
What you say can hurt you – Issue #36
Many people use hedging phrases and unnecessary qualifiers in their communication. I still catch myself using a “weak word” when I’m speaking and mentally note, “I’ve gotta stop saying that!”
I think we naturally try to soften the request or demand. We think that these phrases build rapport, when in fact they simply make us look uncertain and weak.
I’m sure you are familiar with a few of these:
“I think…”
“I feel like…”
“It would be great if…”
“I should be able to…”
“Basically…”
“Honestly…”
“Apparently…”
I have a funny story (well, it’s funny now) about a time I was interviewing with a very senior leader at a company. He asked me a tough question and I started to answer, “Honestly? I…”
He interrupted me and said, “No. Friggin lie to me.” Although, he didn’t use the word “friggin.”
That day, I made a vow to remove the word “honestly” from my vocabulary.
In addition, we tend to sprinkle our conversation with any number of verbal tics and vocal fillers such as:
“Ummm…”
“Like…”
“Soooo…”
“…you know?”
“…right?”
“and… and… and…”
You’ll have a better chance of identifying these issues if you speak more slowly, and give yourself more time to think. We tend to speak quickly when we are nervous, so slowing down is helpful regardless.
You can also make powerful use of silence when you want to pause and resist the urge to fill the gap with an “Ummmm.”
I know that it is hard to be fully aware of your speaking style and issues. So, you can record yourself speaking. I highly encourage that you do this with video. That will allow you to simultaneously assess your verbal tics and fillers, as well as your body language.
You can also ask a trusted friend or loved one to give you feedback. Be prepared for this and keep an open mind.
It’s not easy hearing about the speaking issues undermining your communication goals. However, identifying problems and overcoming them with practice will help you become more confident and assertive later.