Quick Tip – Work on Your Eye Contact

It’s an easy way to project more confidence – Issue #63

I’m not sure when I first started noticing a decline in eye contact, but it seems like fewer people look you in the eyes during a conversation now. Smartphones only serve to exacerbate the problem.

This issue became more apparent when I was interviewing job candidates and meeting with people in a work environment. I’m sure that higher level of stress didn’t help the situation.

Very few people seemed to be capable of engaging in a conversation with a natural amount of eye contact. Their eyes would flit around the room. They would look down, look at the wall, or glance briefly at me and look away.

On some rare occasions, a person would close their eyes entirely for most of the conversation.

Eye contact should be made about 60-70% of the time during a discussion to create a sense of emotional connection, yet most people are only doing it 30-60% of the time.

The appropriate duration of eye contact varies from situation to situation, and culture to culture. More extended eye contact (e.g., 3–7 seconds) can signal interest or attraction, but it can also imply aggression if someone’s gaze is held for too long (e.g., 10 seconds or more).

But, in general, appropriate eye contact can make you seem more confident, likable, attractive, trustworthy, attentive, and memorable. It also makes the recipient feel recognized, understood, and validated.

It’s a virtuous cycle. They believe that you like them, so they, in turn, like you.

For example, if you want to be perceived as competent and confident during a job interview, be aware of your eye contact with the interviewer.

Applicants who regularly gaze at a recruiter or hiring manager during a meeting tend to be given significantly more favorable evaluations compared to those who avoid eye contact.

Fair or not, when someone struggles to make eye contact with me, I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong. Are they nervous? Do they lack confidence? Do they not believe in what they are saying? Would they rather not be talking with me?

I have deliberately worked on improving my own eye contact with others and enjoyed many benefits from looking others in the eyes more frequently.

If you are someone who tends to avoid eye contact when you are feeling nervous and uncertain, this may seem somewhat counterintuitive: Looking someone in the eyes deepens my connection with someone immediately and puts me at ease.

They seem to relax and become more friendly, which immediately helps me relax and feel more friendly in return. There’s that virtuous cycle again.

Try improving your eye contact this week and let me know what you discover!