Quick Tip – The Power of the Pause

Don’t rush to fill silence – Issue #68

It seems like many of us are uncomfortable with silence. Now that we all carry a smartphone everywhere, moments of peace and quiet are a thing of the past.

I’ve noticed something whenever I am anywhere that people need to wait (e.g., a doctor’s office, the DMV, a coffee shop, in line at a theater). How often do you see anyone — ANYONE — sitting or standing without staring at their phone?

You don’t. People are hunched over, scrolling their screens, earbuds tucked firmly into their ears.

When was the last time that you drove somewhere in silence and used the time to think? No music, podcast, audiobook, or radio? Just silence and thinking.

We feel compelled to fill the void. This compulsion carries over into conversations. Some people are so uncomfortable with moments of silence in a discussion that they keep talking and talking.

It happens with public speaking too. Once a speaker gets going, they never slow down. They make an important point, but they don’t take the time to let it sink in. They rush on and fill the gap with “ummm’s” and “uhhhh’s.”

This is so unfortunate. Silence is a powerful technique. The very fact that it makes us uncomfortable should tell you something.

It affects people. It has an impact. It makes your words more memorable.

I observed some of the most talented speakers I know. I watched them reach a critical point in their talk where they would make a powerful statement, and then they would pause in silence. They’d let those words hang in the air as they quietly looked at the audience.

A few seconds of silence on stage feel like an eternity. But, you have to be patient and let it do its work. Stand there, look at the audience, and let your heart beat for a few moments before you start speaking again.

Try this in 1-on-1 conversations, as well. Make peace with silence.

When the other person pauses to think, don’t rush in to fill the gap with your words. When you make a point or ask an important question, watch the other person in complete silence.

When you are patient, a more meaningful conversation will emerge.