Why Is Introversion Suddenly Sexy?
🚀 There’s nothing special about behavioral labels – Issue #124
I hope your Monday is off to a good start! What are you looking forward to the most this coming week? Let me know in the comments on the website, or you can reply to the email.
I finally took the leap and started recording audio for my podcast. You may have listened to the episode about eliminating vulnerability and the audio digest of last week’s tips.
If so, did you enjoy them? Should I make any changes? You can leave a comment on the newsletter website and let me know. It’s ok; I don’t bite.
It isn’t easy for me to share my voice like that, but I guess it’s better than video (which I despise recording). However, just as I tell you, I have to embrace my fear and push through it.
I know that a podcast would be good for my business. Numerous experts have told me that I should do it. I’ve resisted and delayed for too long.
So, I guess I’m looking forward to recording more this week. I’m also looking forward to working on my career and leadership mastermind groups. I’ve been building them on a new platform and will be able to accept applications to join those very soon.
What’s up with introversion?
Before you think that I might be attacking you and who you are, let me explain that I am an introvert. I’ve known that for my entire life, even though others have questioned it because I am comfortable (now) with public speaking.
However, recent events on social media have confirmed my introversion, yet again. I’ve been running ad campaigns to drive more engagement on my Instagram account and encountered uncomfortable feelings.
As the views, likes, and comments began pouring in, I felt my stress levels rising. I wanted to curl up into a ball in my armchair, tucked away and hidden in my wooded retreat. I don’t know how famous people deal with all of the attention they receive!
Introversion is easily one of the most misunderstood personality traits. People freely describe themselves — and others — as extrovert and introverts based on observable behavior that does not indicate where they fall on the introversion-extroversion spectrum.
Being shy does not necessarily mean that you are an introvert
Contrary to popular belief, many introverts enjoy social interaction
Being the “life of the party” does not always mean someone is an extrovert
Fear of public speaking plagues introverts and extroverts alike
The most reliable indicator of an introvert lies in what overstimulates you and what you naturally seek out to recharge and recover.
Extroverts have a high tolerance for sensory stimulation, and will often seek out more stimulating experiences when they want to recharge their batteries.
By contrast, introverts have a lower tolerance for similar stimulation and will seek solitude to recover.
If you’re an introvert, you’re more prone to being overstimulated by intense or prolonged social interaction — and at that point, reflecting on your thoughts and feelings can help you recharge. But introversion-extroversion is about more than just social interaction. Extroverts crave stimulating activities like skydiving and stimulating beverages sold at Starbucks. Introverts are more likely to retreat to a quiet place, but they’re very happy to bring someone else with them. (source)
However, perhaps instead of asking yourself, “Am I an introvert?” you may want to ask, “Why do I care so much about that label?”
Introversion is suddenly sexy
Over the past few years, there has been a sudden rush of people seeking to define themselves as an introvert.
Introversion is seen as being synonymous with creativity, deep thought, “awesomeness,” and superiority. But, a quick check on Google shows a marked difference in public opinion.
Apparently, we are also annoying, rude, selfish, boring, and… cat-like? No way. I’m a dog person!
The pendulum does tend to swing. When I was growing up, being an introvert was not seen as a good thing (it’s not like the term “introvert” was used then).
The extroverted kids were rewarded, groomed for leadership (e.g., team captains), and set up as an example for the rest of us to emulate. It has taken decades for people to stop trying to beat the introversion out of others.
As someone who does tend to be more introverted, I welcome the change. I spent years of my corporate career being told to behave more like an extrovert, and trying to change myself.
It has taken most of my life to accept who I am. Now, there are plenty of others who talk about the power of introversion, like Susan Cain.
I support a well-informed understanding of introversion and embracing how to make the most of it as a strength if you genuinely are an introvert. It’s about time.
However, can we resist our human urge to act as if introversion is somehow better than extroversion, and the subsequent rush to join the introversion tribe?
I know that I’ve made my case for how introverts can make great leaders, but that was more in response to a lifetime of feedback that we can’t possibly be leaders. The truth is that we need greater diversity in our teams and leadership, not one type of person or the other.
Understand yourself
Depending on where you fall on the introversion-extroversion scale, there are several other personality traits and behavioral tendencies that will feel more or less natural for you. But, none of this is black and white.
Introverts can be popular, arrogant, and enjoy public speaking. Extroverts can be quiet, thoughtful, and fear the idea of getting on stage to speak.
There is no cookie-cutter definition for who is an introvert vs. an extrovert. Given the normal distribution of the scale and findings that extroverts often act introverted and introverts quite regularly act extroverted, there is a higher probability that you are an ambivert.
An ambivert is moderately comfortable with groups and social interaction, but also relishes time alone, away from a crowd. (source)
Despite the fuzziness of the definition, you would probably discover that at least one third to one-half of the people you know are introverted to some degree (From Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain). You may be surprised by how large that number is.
However, we do live in a society that presents extroversion as an ideal personality trait, and extroverted behavior is often publicly praised (at least in American culture). So, it should be no surprise that many introverts have learned to pose as extroverts.
We tell our children to be outgoing, make friends, speak up, and collaborate with others. All too often, people describe introverts as too shy, serious, or standoffish.
Is it any wonder that many introverted people learn to behave like an extrovert to be accepted?
Earlier in my life and career, I was sometimes baffled by my behavior. Armed with a Ph.D. in Psychology, I obviously had to diagnose myself using many different types of personality assessments. The discovery of introversion was an “aha” moment but left me with more questions than answers.
Yes, it was true that I didn’t enjoy large parties or networking events, which came with the nervewracking challenge of trying to mingle, meet strangers, and have awkward conversations. But, I did enjoy the company of close friends, and I love deep one-on-one conversations.
I also discovered later in life that I love public speaking and performing on stage. This was something that I had assumed would always be out of reach for an introvert.
Becoming a manager and leading teams? Again, I assumed this was the domain of the obvious extroverts who seemed comfortable with taking charge, managing office politics, and days spent in endless meetings.
However, as I began moving up the career ladder, I discovered that many of my introverted personality traits were strengths that enabled me to become a more effective leader than I thought possible.
A label doesn’t matter
I do talk about how to leverage introversion as a strength in your life and career. But, I would hesitate to describe introversion as superior to extroversion. Stating that introverts are deeper than extroverts is just as bad as saying that introverts are boring.
I’m just happy that introversion is no longer considered to be a character flaw. There is certainly no need for you to jump on the introversion bandwagon if that isn’t who you truly are.
In the end, what’s the point of a label anyway?
Just do what you need to do to be the most effective you can be. If you need time alone to recharge, by all means, take it. There’s nothing wrong with going home, closing the curtains, and curling up with a book alone.
Or, if you feel like heading out for karaoke with friends when work stresses you out, do it (I fully endorse that).
Again, there’s nothing wrong with seeking out companionship and excitement if that’s what helps you recharge. The world would be a tremendously dull place if we all behaved the same.
Whether you think you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, be happy with who you are, and structure your career and life to play to your strengths.
Quick Tip – Take the time you need
Whether you are an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between, leverage your calendar to give yourself what you need. You probably have activities during the day that drain your energy. I’m guessing you know what they are and when they are (e.g., monthly budget meetings).
Schedule time on your calendar for recovery after these activities and events.
For example, if you’re an introvert, being stuck in a meeting room with lots of people for hours is going to be torture. Block off a one-hour appointment on your calendar after the meeting so you can grab your favorite beverage and take a walk outside by yourself to recover.
If you’re an extrovert, schedule a meeting with some friends to catch up over coffee, chat, and laugh. You probably need some fun and exciting activity like that to recharge your batteries after a dull meeting.
For most of my career, I didn’t pay attention to the ebb and flow of my energy. Even after I was aware, I would lean on coffee for a helpful boost when I hit the afternoon doldrums.
What I finally learned to do was note the meetings that I knew were going to drain me and schedule half-hour private coffee or walking sessions right after them. Getting away from everyone and enjoying fresh air was a healthier way for me to get my mojo back so that I could carry on for the day.
Figure out what’s best for you and intentionally use your calendar at work to give yourself the time and activities you need the most.
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