Quick Tip – Don't Deflect Anxiety
🚀 You’ll only make it worse – Issue #130
Before I start, let me say that you should seek professional help if you are suffering from an anxiety disorder. The rest of this post is about the anxiety that many of us typically experience in our working lives. It is not intended to be advice for someone who is dealing with more severe forms of anxiety.
Business has been good lately, and that means I’m busier than ever. More clients, more meetings, and a full calendar.
It’s a good thing, and I’m grateful. But, I can also feel my stress levels rising. My old friend, anxiety, comes creeping in.
Now, I’m no stranger to anxiety. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m introverted and experience discomfort in social situations.
I often felt a low-level hum of anxiety in the corporate world, which would occasionally spike into stress and panic. It took me a long time to learn effective strategies for managing all of that.
A significant part of my strategy was me recognizing that some amount of anxiety is reasonable. It’s part of being alive, and it is most definitely part of existing in the working world.
Psychology Today reported on a study that examined social anxiety and one’s awareness of it. The gist is that people who recognize, admit, and accept that they experience social anxiety are better at coping with it than people who blame themselves for having it or try to pretend that it isn’t happening.
The first step on the path to managing anxiety seems to be acceptance. But, you must also refuse to let it define your life.
It makes sense. Much like the fact that when you identify an emotion at the moment you are experiencing it (e.g., fear), the act of naming it reduces its power over you.
As Noam Shpancer, Ph.D. states in this Psychology Today article:
“On the psychological level, confronting your fear instead of backing down brings about a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. Every time you confront your fear you gain power while your anxiety loses strength (I can tolerate it; it’s difficult but not impossible; it’s not the end of the world). Every time you confront your fear you accumulate evidence of your ability to cope (I did it yesterday; I can do it again today).”
However, if you let a feeling, such as anxiety, defeat you — or deny that you are experiencing it — you strengthen the evidence that you are overwhelmed by it.
It does require an act of courage to take that first step and acknowledge that your anxiety does exist. But, then you must decide that you will power through it and continue with your day.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
― Nelson Mandela
Easier said than done
I know. This is easier said than done.
Most workplaces are a minefield for anyone who suffers from social anxiety. You experience so many stressful situations, challenging interactions with coworkers, conflict with your boss, team presentations, public speaking, etc.
However, the reality is that work will always be work, and people will always be people. Companies and professions vary wildly in the degree of anxiety-inducing stressors they have. But, no job will be 100% free of some amount of stress.
So, how do you deal with this?
Well, given the research, perhaps the first step is merely admitting that you don’t like it and that not liking it is normal. Don’t beat yourself up for not taking to the stressful situations like a duck takes to water.
I don’t like hostility and conflict — So what? What sane person does?
I am terrified of public speaking — Yes, almost everyone is. It is normal to feel stressed out about standing in front of a roomful of people and speaking. That’s ok.
Dealing with my boss makes me feel anxious —Yes, you will feel anxious. You and millions of other people. Does anyone enjoy dealing with their boss?
Ummm, I kind of hate my job — You’re not alone. Up to 70% of Americans either hate their jobs or feel disengaged. It’s not a great thing, but you are not abnormal for feeling that way.
Some amount of stress is to be expected. We all get stressed.
You will experience anxiety. We all do, at times.
No one likes it. You probably don’t like it either, and that’s ok.
There is nothing wrong with you
Millions of other people feel the same way you do. But, you know what? It doesn’t define who you are or how your life will turn out.
I bet that there are plenty of situations when you don’t feel anxiety. Optimize your life and long-term career choices for that.
Making the necessary changes to get closer to an ideal job won’t happen overnight. But, it is a worthwhile investment in yourself, and you can start redefining your career today. I’m happy to have a call with you if you’d like to talk about it.
By “making necessary changes,” I’m not saying that you should go home, lock the door, and never come out again. There is a difference between avoiding anxiety and managing it.
You accept that feeling anxiety is part of life, and you move on. Slowly but surely, you optimize your work life to minimize and manage that anxiety.
You acknowledge that it will happen, and you can also admit that feeling that way is ok. The more you name it, the more you reduce its power. Eventually, you’ll notice that your moments of stress and anxiety become fewer and far between.
Do you know someone who is struggling with anxiety at work? They might find this advice helpful.